I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
