Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
