sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
