Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
