My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
