Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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