I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
