Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
