i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
