hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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