Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
