So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
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Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
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I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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