I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
