i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
