Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
