Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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