i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
