no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
