You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
