i think i have two assholes
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
