READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
