I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
