So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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