So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
