i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
