So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
