I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize