PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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