Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
