Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
