nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
