He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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