The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
