And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Success! We fucked roommates!
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