Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
