I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
