So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
