dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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