I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Randomize
