So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
