Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
how drunk are you?
Several
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
