Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize