So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
