If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
