batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
