sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
