I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
