I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
