So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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