4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You ruined the universe
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize