hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
