Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
