Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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