And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
