I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
