im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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