my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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