Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
