it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
