His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
