I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
