hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
