the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
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