if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
