I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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