I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
